Picky, Picky, Picky

This really doesn’t have anything to do with the Naked Archaeologist, nevertheless…

I’ve noticed that the world is divided into two types of peoples. Not Jew and Gentile, not Muslim and Christian. Not white and black. Not even men and women.

The World is divided into people who use toothpicks in public and those who do not.

Now, the thing is I straddle these two worlds. I am married to a wonderful Czech woman who is nearly completely assimilated. In other words I have never seen her use a toothpick in public. But her family is a different story.

Tonight I ate at a restaurant in the City Centre of Jerusalem that Leslie recommended (thanks), and at the end they made a bit of a ceremony of bringing the toothpicks at the end of the meal. Not just one, but a whole cup full of individually wrapped toothpicks. And not the cheap thin kind, but the heavy ones, pointy at each end.

So I unwrapped one, and discreetly picked away, trying to be effective and yet ashamed at the same time.

Which was when I looked at the bar, where a woman, early thirties, short Louise Brooks hair, slim, elegant, striking, in what I judged to be a Coco Chanel cocktail dress was boldly mining the perfect gaps between her blazingly white teeth.

And there was no notion of shame here. But there was elegance.

Her boyfriend (also early thirties, athletic, toned, looked as though he knew three different ways of incapacitating you without even touching you. Still he was bald which made me feel better) sat with his lips pulled back over his teeth in a grotesque grin, picking away. Totally unmoved by my obvious fascination.

I was tempted to say that his elegant girlfriend’s tooth picking was erotic or seductive. But it wasn’t even close. I wavered on elegant. Bold, definitely.

I thought to myself, well this makes sense, because of course so many people came here from Eastern Europe, it’s a custom brought with them. But that’s not right.

Because when I eat in the Arab neighborhoods the same thing happens. And it was the same in Jordan. The presentation of the toothpicks was less ceremonial, and of course you would likely not see a woman in a Chanel dress, but the picking was an important part of the meal.

So the world is divided into two kinds of people: toothpickers and non-toothpickers. And I will never be able to pick my teeth in public unselfconsciously.

But while I’m in Israel, I’m doing my best.